Welcome to The Kitchen Table...a place for people to gather and talk, laugh, debate and argue...but remember, as with all Italians, we hug, kiss and make up before the sunsets!
Life-with a woman-is different. Y have a heart-to love them, you have to be able to afford a diamond-to marry them, you have to take 'em to the Club on friday night, for fun, and the spade-they use that to ;plant a garden.....
One day old man Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the Illinois State Fair. There is this man selling plane rides in his single prop show plane for $10 per person. Stumpy looks to Martha and says, "Martha, I think I really should try that." Martha replies, "I know you want to Stumpy, but we have a lot of bills, and you know the money is tight, and $10 is $10." So Stumpy goes without. Over the next few years they return every year, and the same thing, Stumpy wants to ride, but Martha says no money.
Finally, when Stumpy and Martha are both about 70 years old, Stumpy looks to Martha, and says, "Martha, I'm 70 now, and I don't know if I'll ever get the chance again, so I just have to have a ride in that there airplane." Martha replies in the same old fashion, and Stumpy kind of slumps down. The pilot is standing near by and overhears the conversation...
The pilot pipes up, "Excuse me folks, I couldn't help but hear your situation, and I have a deal for you. I'll take both of you up together, and if you can both make the entire trip without saying a word, or even making the slightest sound, I'll give the ride for free. But if either of you make a sound, its $10 each." Well, Martha and Stumpy look at each other, and agree to take the ride.
The pilot takes them up, and starts to do loop de loops, twists, dives, climbs and spins. No sound. The pilot lands the plane, looks back at Stumpy and says, "Sir, I have to hand it to ya, you didn't make even the slightest sound and that was my best stuff." Stumpy looks back at the pilot and says, "Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but $10 is $10!"
A friend of mine from Charlotte-in Michigan got divorced from his second wife there-and boy did she take him to the cleaners. He was living on next to nothing-dumpster diving-at times-to make ends meet. He finally got that mess straightened out-got his financial health back-and came up with a cancerous pollop in his colon. He promptly went in and had the surgery to remove it. He now is on a colostomy bag for the rest of his life. When I visited him in the hopital in Charlotte after the surgery-what do you suppose the first thing he said was? "This is the SECOND time I've lost my ass in Charlotte"!
You didn't upset me-I was referring to your post on "courtroom" sex....
In this case-HE was the one to initiate the divorce-and it took him 10 years after the third child was born to do that. She wouldn't let him touch her unless it was to make a baby-when the doctors said "no more"-she wouldn't let him near her again-the shafting he got was in retaliation for not putting up with her.
15 comments:
Life with men..... Is like a pack of cards, You need a Heart to love them a dimond to marry them a club to beat them and a Spade to bury the bastards.
lol
Life-with a woman-is different.
Y have a heart-to love them, you have to be able to afford a diamond-to marry them, you have to take 'em to the Club on friday night, for fun, and the spade-they use that to ;plant a garden.....
LMAO!!
Very witty!
One day old man Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the Illinois State Fair. There is this man selling plane rides in his single prop show plane for $10 per person. Stumpy looks to Martha and says, "Martha, I think I really should try that." Martha replies, "I know you want to Stumpy, but we have a lot of bills, and you know the money is tight, and $10 is $10." So Stumpy goes without. Over the next few years they return every year, and the same thing, Stumpy wants to ride, but Martha says no money.
Finally, when Stumpy and Martha are both about 70 years old, Stumpy looks to Martha, and says, "Martha, I'm 70 now, and I don't know if I'll ever get the chance again, so I just have to have a ride in that there airplane." Martha replies in the same old fashion, and Stumpy kind of slumps down. The pilot is standing near by and overhears the conversation...
The pilot pipes up, "Excuse me folks, I couldn't help but hear your situation, and I have a deal for you. I'll take both of you up together, and if you can both make the entire trip without saying a word, or even making the slightest sound, I'll give the ride for free. But if either of you make a sound, its $10 each." Well, Martha and Stumpy look at each other, and agree to take the ride.
The pilot takes them up, and starts to do loop de loops, twists, dives, climbs and spins. No sound. The pilot lands the plane, looks back at Stumpy and says, "Sir, I have to hand it to ya, you didn't make even the slightest sound and that was my best stuff." Stumpy looks back at the pilot and says, "Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but $10 is $10!"
Why is Semen White and Urine Yellow?? So You will know when Your man is a coming or a going.
Larry
LOL
Ok...tell me if this isn't the truth:
There are four kinds of sex :
HOUSE SEX - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room.
BEDROOM SEX - After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom.
HALL SEX - After you've been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say "FUCK YOU"
COURTROOM SEX - When your wife and her lawyer fuck you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you've got.
A friend of mine from Charlotte-in Michigan got divorced from his second wife there-and boy did she take him to the cleaners. He was living on next to nothing-dumpster diving-at times-to make ends meet.
He finally got that mess straightened out-got his financial health back-and came up with a cancerous pollop in his colon. He promptly went in and had the surgery to remove it. He now is on a colostomy bag for the rest of his life.
When I visited him in the hopital in Charlotte after the surgery-what do you suppose the first thing he said was?
"This is the SECOND time I've lost my ass in Charlotte"!
Ouch!
I feel so bad for your friend, FF. It appears it would take more than he's already gone through to take away his sense of humor.
Frankly, I don't understand how women can live with themselves when they go for blood in a divorce.
I didn't do that, taking less child support than I was entitled to, leaving the 401 and pension alone.
I just wanted peace and safety....money wasn't as important as my dignity and integrity.
Lisa-every guy likes a good three-way-but isn't that kinda overdoin' it?
Ummmm...I don't understand, FF.
I'm sorry if I upset you somehow.
What was it that I said?
Can't say Lisa never been married. So I wouldn't know about the 4 Deals of Sex.
Larry
You didn't upset me-I was referring to your post on "courtroom" sex....
In this case-HE was the one to initiate the divorce-and it took him 10 years after the third child was born to do that.
She wouldn't let him touch her unless it was to make a baby-when the doctors said "no more"-she wouldn't let him near her again-the shafting he got was in retaliation for not putting up with her.
I'm happy to hear that, FF.
I hate to do this but a couple of my friends stopped over so I'm leaving one kitchen table to head towards another.
You all have a good night.
Thanks for lifting my spirits tonight.
You guys are the best!
Right back atcha Lisa!
Two priests walk into a bar; the nun ducks.
The best jokes are the shortest =D
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